19 Ways to Know You Are the Victim of Narcissistic Abuse

I never knew what a Narcissist was until I had my own experience with it. Narcissistic Abuse focuses mostly on emotional abuse which overlaps with verbal, psychological and financial abuse. It is insidious, lethal, and stealthy. This article covers all you need to know about a very real danger.

The Wave Pool

I was swimming in a wave-pool for a while when I decided I wanted to exit the pool.  Looking around, the shallow end was a lot further away than the sides of the pool, so, for that reason I swam for the side.  I was not the best swimmer but, nonetheless could swim enough to get by. 

Swimming toward perceived safety, I suddenly was hit with a horrible realization.  The closer I got to the side of the pool, the higher the waves and the deeper the water.  Upon reaching the side, the waves pelted me so hard that it was difficult to boost myself up the side of the pool.  I treaded water catching a breath whenever possible. 

Finally, I managed the strength to yell for help as the water consequently threatened my very existence.  Almost immediately hands reached down to pull me up out of the waves to safety.  I had survived but not without learning a valuable lesson.

Sometimes danger came cleverly disguised as an instrument of safety.

 

Relationships with Narcissists

That is the way it is with starting a relationship with a narcissist. Narcissism is defined as a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. It is further characterized as an unrealistic sense of superiority.

They are often obsessed with power, attractiveness, intelligence, etc., undoubtedly perceiving themselves to be superior or associated with those of high status and often will attempt to achieve these powers at the expense of others. Narcissists seem unwilling or unable to emphasize with others needs and desires. They are extremely envious of others, need constant admiration and are often simultaneously self-centered and domineering.

Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse will present itself in many ways often starting out as belittling, bullying and blaming. They are master manipulators often utilizing emotional blackmail to control and intimidate and will be so sly that you will question what is true and what is not. These egotists will be extremely neglectful of your needs and will be quick to spread lies about you to others, especially if the relationship is going south.

They will ignore your boundaries by snooping through your texts, phone calls, etc., denying the privacy you requested.

Narcissists will use emotional black mail to control you or to cause emotional instability. They will intentionally make you question your perceptions of reality or cause you to believe that you’re mentally incompetent. They will exploit you and deceive you. They will ignore the needs of a child, often placing them in danger.

Further abuse

They will spread malicious lies about you to other people especially if they feel they are losing control. They will isolate you from family and friends and often will not take responsibility for their actions casting blame on you or others.

There are some narcissists who will take it one step further by becoming hostile and take pleasure in inflicting pain. They become paranoid and engage in anti-social behavior. This is known as Malignant Narcissism and can resemble sociopathy. However, narcissists and sociopaths differ in the way that the narcissist does not wish to be abandoned whereas the sociopath does not care.

Signs of Narcissistic Abuse

There are several ways to tell if you have been emotionally abused by a narcissist:

• You don’t know who you are any more. You feel worthless.
• Joy is a very hard emotion to achieve causing numbness and hopelessness.
• You feel like you are going crazy.
• Your narcissistic partner simply cannot be made happy no matter how hard you try.
• It is difficult to confide in your partner and others.
• You feel like you are walking on eggshells all the time as you maneuver through life trying not to enrage your partner.
• Anger can be your constant compadre putting you constantly on edge.
• You find yourself telling lies to avoid angering your partner.
• There is a deep fear of your partner.
• You feel like you have no voice.
• Concentration is almost non-existent as well as difficulty remembering things.
• You cry a lot.
• Life is overwhelming.
• You dread going home after work.
• There is no self-care.
• He has turned you off to sex.
• Google becomes your best friend as you try to figure out why you are feeling this way.
• You think a lot about having him/her out of your life.
• You may disappear from your social life or a job or hobby for a great length of time because of the negative view you may have of yourself.

Getting Help

It is important to reach out to a counselor or trusted friend throughout your ordeal to find a way to make things better or to permanently remove yourself from the situation. Your sanity depends upon it. Your children’s sanity may depend upon it as well. It would be important for your children to know that this is not okay and to find ways to avoid a similar situation.

Resources

The following is a list of resources to help you!
http://www.celebraterecovery.com/
www.domesticshelters.org
www.thehotline.org
www.ncadv.org/learn-more/get-help
abuseintervention.org/help/friend-family
www.mendingthesoul.org
stoprelationshipabuse.org/educated/types-of-abuse/emotional-abuse/

 “I think this is what we all want to hear: that we are not alone in hitting the bottom, and that it is possible to come out of that place courageous, beautiful, and strong.” Anna White