Why Women of Faith are Easy Targets for Abuse
Woman of faith are often surprised when their marriage is not what they thought it was going to be. They face abuse of all kinds. It’s hard for them to ask for help because no one believes their husband is capable of the abuse.
These women often try anything to help cure their abusive marriage. They will go through books and Facebook groups trying to get answers for their toxic marriage.
Prayer is good BUT....
What they don’t realize is that, while prayer is good, it won’t necessarily help in an abusive situation.
Free Will
The problem lies where God gives humankind free will, and he won’t force anyone to change. His gift is free but you have to want it. Abusive men don’t usually want to change and so they won’t take advantage of the free gift.
No choices
Often, women of faith feel like they have no choices when it comes to choosing a marriage partner says that when someone does come along, that wants to marry them, they are so flattered that they say yes thinking they have no other prospect.
Define male headship
Another problem in Christian circles is men believing they have total control over women and woman have no control or say. She has to do what he says, no matter what. He believes in male headship and so she really cannot say “no”.
Beware of red flags
What these women should do is pray that God opens their eyes to the red flags and that he closes the door on anything that is not of Him.
My Red flags
Push for sexual excursion
One red flag was my ex’s push for sex. His hands knew no boundaries and he basically could not kiss unless it was French kissing.
Alienation
He didn’t like some of my friends, and he didn’t try to hide it. He would strongly discourage my interaction with those friends. In fact, he made me cut communication with a male friend, even though I had no feelings of romance for that male colleague. He was jealous, even though the male colleague was more like a brother to me.
Ignored my needs
I had started a new job, and it often made me exhausted till I came home at the end of the day. All I wanted to do was sleep, but he would insist. I take his calls and go out with him every single day. Oftentimes I had nothing to eat and he wouldn’t see that I was fed. He would keep me out until midnight or later knowing I had a job to get up for early the next morning.
His interests only
My interests were never attended to, as we always had to do what interested him and that was the volunteer fire company. He would often wish me to help at fundraising meals with people I didn’t know while he went somewhere to talk to his friends. I usually wouldn’t see him most of the night.
He took advantage of me
When we first got together, we were both working at the same job. However, he would take advantage of me being his girlfriend and expect me to do some of his work. I finally decided to quit and get a different job to get away from him. I look back and realize how stupid I was to not see that flag.
His family was toxic.
His father was abusive, and he talked how he wasn’t going to be like him. Yes, they were a Mennonite family, but they were toxic.
The parents played favorites, and they pitted my ex and his brother against each other. His father would often control what the family did by threatening to commit suicide if they didn’t do what he wanted. His father also spent money like it grew on a tree, and yet his mother often has needs of things and didn’t get them.
The bottom line
The bottom line is, if something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t and you shouldn’t ignore what doesn’t seem right. That thing is a red flag and it’s meant to be a warning. If something seems rude or careless on his part, then you should consider how much worse it will get after marriage. You won’t make him better. And prayer won’t change him because he doesn’t want to change.
Amish, Mennonites and even Baptist does not equal safety.
Women of faith are often caught in the belief that, they think that the man comes from a good Mennonite church, Amish church or whatever and they would know not to treat women this way, but these churches are often misogynistic where women are treated as less than their male counterparts. Wives are expected to do whatever their husband wishes even though it technically violates their wedding covenant.
Frustrating
These women are often told to pray about it, try harder and every marriage has problems. She is sent back into the marriage feeling frustrated and alone.
Woman of faith need to be aware that their own denomination or legalistic beliefs based on tradition and not God's law will often work against them. There are people trying to change the way legalistic churches and cults handle marriage to bring about change.
Reaching the ones who need it
However, reaching the ones who really need to hear the message are too caught up in the misogynistic reach of the church. They think they have no rights and that thinking is wrong. The message needs to be pushed out harder. Sexism is rampant in these churches.
The following is a list of men and women trying to spread the truth. Check them out.
Bare Marriage with Sheila Wray Gregoire
Sarah McDugal - Wilderness to WILD
