11 Ways to Help Your Tween-to-Teen Through the Middle School Years

  Recently a friend was expressing concern about her daughter, April, a tween-to-teen, feeling left out even at the church we attend together. When I had mentioned to my daughter, Lexi, about including this friend and told her she felt left out, she said, “A Lot of Us Do.” 

I felt stunned. These were church girls. How can they do this to one another?

Then my daughter went on to say, “I don’t like to hang around the other girls anyway because they are mean to my friends.”

       

I was at a total loss as to how to respond. Yet, as I look back into my own past, I had similar experiences. In fact, the group I did hang with was among the ones who generally were not accepted in our church groups. Not accepted in our church groups. Really?!!! But even the adults can be this way. I know of one clique that was totally cruel to someone trying to fit into their group.

But this isn’t supposed to happen in church!

Well, unfortunately, it does and that is the cause of churches getting really bad raps from people who do not attend. So how do we help our daughters (and sons) maneuver through these tough times?

Remind them that The Best Way to Have a Friend Is to Be a friend.

They don’t necessarily need to be best friends with the ones who are leaving them out, but they can be kind to them, and they can be on the watch for other tween-to-teens who may also be left out of a group and befriend them.

When my oldest daughter, Nicole, and her friends were in tenth grade they asked this boy who happened to be the son of a friend of mine, to sit with them at lunch because he was alone. I was so proud of them for including him.

Gently remind your daughter or son that even adults can be this way and they will probably experience this throughout life.

Let’s face it. Even Jesus experienced this! The New Testament is full of references of how these “men of God” often murmured and plotted against Him. In Matthew 9:11 they pointed out how Jesus ate with the “undesirables” and on many occasions they went out of their way to try to make Jesus look like a fool.

Have your child pray for those who are ostracizing them.

“But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.” Luke 6:27-28

Encourage your child to join a club or extracurricular activity so that others get a chance to know him or her.

When my kids were young, I encouraged them to play in sports…. not because I was totally into sports although the exercise was good for them. The reason I wanted them to play sports was to introduce them to other kids and develop relationships with other tweens-to-teens. Later in life they may need this skill known as networking when they wish to further a career.

Encourage youth leaders to mix it up and have kids interact with those they would not normally hang with.

That would include small groups and work groups when they go out into the community to work.

Pray for your youth leaders!

Not only would this be appreciated, but it would also be coveted.  It is a tough job to guide these adolescents and most do not get paid for it.

Unless your kids are being bullied, don’t be so quick to jump on that horse to the rescue like Pa Ingalls.

Your Teen-to-tween need to learn these skills on their own. It is part of growing up. However, when you are dealing with others, allow them to watch how you develop relationships.

Remind your kids that this is a tough age.

Hormones are making an appearance and often times are difficult to learn to maneuver around. This is all new to them.

Tell your child that sometimes that difficult classmate may be facing something hard at home that causes them to act out at school.

Another reason for prayer!

Assure them that the offending person may not always be this way.

I once had a girl who made me feel like an idiot and now is totally changed. Most people do eventually grow up.

Let your student know that you will always be available to listen and provide a shoulder.

Promise to be there and actually be there for your student!

How about you? Do you have any suggestions to add?  Let me know in the comments below.